Fight Comparison Like War

Nearly every week on my social media feed, I see an engagement or I see a new couple finding one another. I see someone who has acquired a new home, had a wedding, moved somewhere new, is pregnant, got a new job, or is navigating the joy of being a new parent and nursing a baby into the world.

If you’re anything like me, the envy and comparison strikes like a rod and it makes you want to run off to the next best thing in life.

I used to sit in this feeling of inadequacy, allowing myself to run off for a really long time. It looked like never staying in one place long enough to take root or be truly present. I was never satisfied with what I got or was given. As a means to compensate for those consistent feelings of inadequacy, I’d just continue to scroll myself into the story of comparison, digging deeper into the well, hoping that one day I might strike water.

I’d always come up dry.

I found myself doing this a some point last winter. For at least an hour, maybe more, I scoured the instagram of an influencer I deeply admire. I’m not talking about going back months and then giving up, I’m talking years. I wanted to piece together how this influencer had made it to the point they are in today, and even after hours of going back and vicariously living through their perfectly instagrammed life, I couldn’t come up with the answer.

After a while, the action of doing this felt a lot like a broken record; at what cost?

Feeling like I’m way behind in life?

Comparing my mud pit to other people’s highlight reels?

Living from a place of want instead of resting in the promise to come?

Instead of tying my own shoes, I was always expecting someone to do it for me.

Without the action of learning and making mistakes, there is no story to tell. Without the process of actually showing up to my own life, there is no progress bar to tell me I have accomplished something because I haven’t even tried climbing up the mountain yet. I realized that I constantly lived from that feeling “not yet” instead of trusting in the promise to come.

I had to stop comparing my muddy waters with someone else’s fountain story.

We all walk into everyday with doubts, fears, and hidden frustrations. If we’re constantly looking to the fountain of others, we will not get the nutrients we need in order to flourish.

Comparison and Envy are emotions that adhere to the heart quickly, sticking like glue. It’s important to stand guard to the actions we take leading up these emotions and to be aware that they are there. If we constantly stand up unaware of what’s going on inside, it is easy to let a rain of envy grow into a tidal wave of doubt.

What I want is the overnight story. But I’m starting to see that the overnight stories begin by deciding to show up every day to the small, to live apart from the highlight reels, and shaking off fears and doubts. One small and positive choice made now can ripple out like a tidal wave, thus impacting everything else in the path.

When we jump in and start getting present with our own lives in small ways, it will spur us on to celebrate when a new baby is being nursed into the world. It will cause us to erupt for the people who are finding love and falling into it. It will give us reason to celebrate when someone moves somewhere new, walks down an aisle, or gets an experience we were hoping for.

We fight comparison like war, but we win that war by making the decision to jump in feet first and all in.